The Same Wound: A Memoir on Divorce, Self-Abandonment, and the Long Way Home Memoir #4
The Same Wound: A Memoir on Divorce, Self-Abandonment, and the Long Way Home Memoir #4Divorce and self-abandonment are the same wound.Before anyone else ever abandoned us, we abandoned ourselves, believing a person, a home, a role, a certain kind of life would finally make us whole. This book is the story of how I learned that the hard way, and what I found on the other side of it.The Same Wound is part memoir, part field guide. It moves between my own twenty-four-year marriage and divorce and the stories of the people I've coached through the same wound in different shapes: the client whose husband seemed to "become better" overnight for someone else, the daughter unconsciously repeating her mother's exact pattern, the woman who kept opening the same door every Sunday even though she already knew how the story ended.There's no villain in this book. There doesn't need to be one. Some of the most honest endings come without betrayal, without a dramatic reason big enough to justify themselves to everyone watching. Sometimes the truest thing you can say is: I tried everything, and it still wasn't enough, and that is allowed to be the whole story.Inside, you'll find: The bathtub moment that ended a twenty-four-year marriage without a single raised voice What it actually feels like to navigate the legal side of divorce, and why the paperwork makes you feel stupid even when you're not Why people go where it's easier, not where it's better, and what that means for the grief of being "replaced" The neuroscience and emotional truth behind why we keep going back to relationships we know aren't good for us How generational patterns get passed down without anyone meaning to, and how they get broken Why reconciliation without conversation isn't repair, it's just a pause A practical closing chapter on love languages and knowing your own relationship blueprint before you build with someone new This book does not promise a tidy ending, because healing rarely gives you one. What it offers instead is company. If you are in the middle of your own version of this wound, leaving, staying, grieving, rebuilding, or starting over for what feels like the hundredth time, this book was written so you would know you are not alone in it.Velia Gutierrez, M.A., P.P.S., P.C.C.I., is a coach and writer working with people navigating divorce, self-abandonment, and personal reinvention. The Same Wound is her 4th memoir.
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